If someone had just gave Jasper a laxative, the movie might of been saved….

First of all here is a picture of me, if I had grown up in the fifties. I believe I look like my Nana and that makes me very happy. Because she is beautiful.

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Sooo it finally came. The opening night of Twilight. The beginning of the week, was like counting down to Christmas! I woke up this morning, with a grin, texting friends, updating twitter, and facebook/myspace status’s. It was finally here. I was going to see my obsession brought to reality on the big screen.

Monk had went Tuesday and got our tickets. When I saw the ticket, it was like she was holding the golden wrapper from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory! I called her the minute I left work today and when she answered I screamed in her ear, “4 MORE HOURS MONICA!!! 4 MORE HOURS!!!!” She screamed back “I KNOW, I KNOW!!!!!” And then we pissed our pants.

Mel, Monk and I met at the Outback for some grub before the movie. So we could eat animals, all Edward like and totally bond over our love for this book!!

Mel ordered us a blooming onion and Monk and I ordered us some adult beverages. The adult beverages came out. Monk got a smore martini and I got a strawberry martini. Monks was disgusting and mine was worse. It looked like a vile of Bellas blood poured into a martini glass. It tasted like strawberry jelly, all that was missing was the peanut butter.

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The the blooming onion came…One of the onions had a burnt part on it. Mel picks it off. Its a bug.

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So needless to say we are all pretty much turned off of any kind of food. But Gosh Darnit, we waited in line for 108 years and still ended up stealing a table, from some friends I ran into, so we need food. Mel and I ordered soup and Monk order cheese fries.  We nibbled on them and then decided to head to the theater, an hour early. Good thing we did, cuz 12 years old do not play when it comes to twilight.

The line was wrapped around three times.

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 I was like “Ya so I am totally all about bowing some twelve year old little girl in the face, if it means we get to cut the line.”: But then I saw some of them packing heat, cuz they were all like “I am all about shooting some 26 year old in the face, if they think they are cutting in the line.” These girls were obsessed. You thought I had it BAD, my obsession didnt even register on the crazy Twilight Level, these little chickies were on.

 

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I was actually embarrassed to be a member of this cult. But not embarrassed enough to leave. So we did our penance and waited in line. Finally we were allowed to go into the theater. As we walked into the theater, one by one, like sheep, we had Sir Rent A Cop Drill Sargent Man yell at us “MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR TICKET READY TO SHOW!! MAKE SURE!!! YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED ENTER, WITHOUT THE MAGICAL TICKET!!!!!!NOW GET ON THE FLOOR AND GIVE ME TWENTY!!!!”

Finally we get into the movie theater. It was dark. So I totally tripped some little girls and then yelled “GO! GO! GO!” to Monk and Mel, as they stepped all over them, so we could get decent seats. We sit down and grin at each other, take pictures, and dance in our seats totally excited.

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Then the movie starts. Ten Minutes into the movie, I look at Monk and bust out laughing. It was awful. They didnt follow the book. Yes, the basic story line was there. Boy meets girl. Boy is a hot ass vampire. Girl is a klutz. The lion falls in love with the lamb. What a sick masochistic lion. What a stupid lamb.

But the rest of the movie did not fall in sync with the book. Maybe it is because I was crazily obsessed and read the first book three times and had every scene, every conversation memorised, but the movie did not do the book justice. The climax of the book, was portrayed on screen within five minutes. And that was it. You didnt get to enjoy Edward and Bella falling in love. You didnt get to feel the emotional connection, you got while reading the book. You just had to fall into the world of make believe and know that it happened. While reading the book, I used my imagination and out of a two hour movie I only got to see TWO scenes, where my images came to life. I also feel like they tried to make the movie comical. Its not a comical movie, its an epic love story, where you are torn between Bella wanting so bad to become part of Edwards world and Edward not wanting to steal a world from her that he feels she deserves.

Overall I was disappointed. I shouldn’t be surprised. The only movie I have ever seen that was better then the book, was The Notebook. But with that movie, I connected with the movie and I connected with the book on two different levels, so they didn’t really compare with each other.

My overall opinion of the movie is don’t expect to be dazzled like you were reading the book. However, saying that..Everytime Edward was on screen I fantasied so much, that I honestly believe I am now carrying his child. Be expecting Christmas cards with the family portrait on it. Cuz we will have a beautiful family.

Because the title of this post is kinda weird I feel the need to explain. Jasper is the “newest” member to the Cullen Vampire family. He has a harder time trying to avoid the taste of human blood. So in my opinion, throughout the movie, he looked like he was walking around constipated. I accidentally said this thought aloud during the movie and it caused some chuckles. But you be the judge..

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Why there should be a Twilight rehab

 

I have literally became obsessed with the series Twilight. I kept hearing about it and was finally convinced to go ahead and read them. I read them and they have consumed my life. Along with other friends I have forced to read the books. They thank me on a daily basis. However I believe we all would come out with guns and knives if Edward presented himself within a ten mile radius of one another. However he is mine. And Ill cut you if you even think about stealing him. Seriously.

The following is a conversation taken place between Kat and me at work through email. This is the Katrina Wright that got married two weeks ago. The same Katrina that I handed her, her husband in a bow for her birthday! Good thing we had this conversation, after her wedding.

Kat: I’ll try to start reading this weekend sometime.  May not be until Sunday since we’ll be busy tomorrow.  We’ll see….

 

Jenn: Ur killing me

Kat:  Hey now…be happy I bought the dang book! 

 

Jenn: YOU watch your tone or I’ll take Edward away from u! He is a privilege!

Kat:  By the way…Edward is really not that attractive so you can keep him if you would like.  lol 

 

Jenn: I don’t even want u reading him now. YOU don’t deserve too.

Kat: LoL!!  I was waiting for your emails to turn mean. 

 

Jenn: I’m pretty much pouting right now.

 

Kat: Oh don’t pout….  Everything will be ok!  I was expecting to get yelled at and now you are pouting.  You are making this no fun! 

 

Jenn: HE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. I FOR REAL LOVE HIM. I love him so much that I let Holly borrow one and two of the series and I couldn’t go that long without him so I went and bought them again! Seriously the way he protects her and loves her, it literally makes u want to eat the book so u can consume him and he can be a part of u. I love him a lot. Matt is all like so if I was a 17 yr old vampire, you think I could get some attention?? We were at the movies last weekend and the song Love Story by Taylor Swift came on and I was like “OMG!!! Its Edwards anthem, its me and his song.” And I text Monica and she was like “back off he is mine.” And Matt looked up a number to get us committed. You will understand once u read it.

 

Kat: WOW….I can see why he would want to get you guys committed!  That was seriously one of the most craziest things you have said since I’ve known you….and that really means something because you say a lot of crazy shit. 

I think you should go ahead and pack your bags and let Matt take you to where you need to go…Milledgeville. 

Jenn: LMAOOOOOOOOOO. I guess I understand why you think I am a crazy person. But you don’t read. And I love my books and I get emotionally attached them. I was just as insane with Harry Potter but he was a child and I couldn’t voice my feelings because it is illegal. Edward is grown.

 

Kat: Ok, so now that you put it that way I can kind of see where you are coming from because sometimes I really scare myself with how attached I can get with a character from a movie.

 

Jenn: Seeeeeeeee you’re a crazy person too!

Kat:  Well we aren’t talking about me right now….  not to mention I am not the crazy person talking about eating a book so that I could have a fictional character be a part of me! 

 

Jenn: So are you saying you would not eat the DVD?

Kat: No, I would not eat the DVD.  I’m sorry that I will not be joining you on the looney scale of 100….

 

Jenn: You are not invited to join me. I am telling Wayne to take away your Edward privileges. Sorry. It is the only way you will learn.

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