So me and my brother had a hot date the other night. Because you know why go to the mall, when you can go across the hall. He gives his version here.
All day at work I was like “my brother and I are going to see the new bond movie and eat lamb tonight.” And apparently everyone on the base is a member of PETA and got very angry for the little baby lambs. And the poem Mary had a little lamb is a true story about all of their life’s. Because by the end of the day I had alienated everyone I worked with. I mean it is very sad over the lamb, but have you ever ate lamb? Its sooooo freaking good. Like the best meat ever. Also my steaks are made from horses.
So my brother picks me up and we head to the movies. We get nachos and a coke to share. We also killed a rain forest with the amount of napkins we used. We are rebellious like that. So to distinguish between who’s straw is who’s, Greg kindly spit down his straw to tell the difference. And it totally worked, whenever I took a sip, if I tasted spit, I switched straws.
Then it came down to the last nacho. Greg was really enjoying these nachos. He was enjoying them so much, he had to make me hold them periodically, so he could stop and chew before shoving another in his mouth. So being the doll sister that I am, I was like “you can have the last one.” And he was like “no its cool, we can split it.” And I am like “no I gotta save room for the little baby lamb, just doesn’t seem like it would be the same nacho if we split it. Like the taste would get altered, you take it.” Then we noticed that it was two nachos!!! It was like second Christmas!!!! They were just stuck together!!! Everyone wins!! It was almost like a biblical moment. The story of Solomon came to life right before us, but in the form of nachos.
The movie was really good. Not as good as the first but it was good. Although my heart did break during the first five minutes, when Bond totally destroys an Aston Martin. I felt part of me die inside, here was this gorgeous car being destroyed for entertainment purposes. While my brother and I drive two piece of shizas, that even if we could take all the good qualities of our cars and combine them, it would still be a big pile of metal, that still sucked.
My poor brothers car, the only door that opens from the inside is the drivers side. So whenever we got somewhere, I would have to wait in the car, while he ran around to release me. It felt very much like being held hostage. We go to khols, to see my friend Jennifer and to look at GPS systems. During our search for the GPS systems, we came to the conclusion that we needed a GPS system to find the GPS systems. Did you get all that?? So we gave up and decided to hit up the Best Buy.
We pull into the parking lot and Greg goes to get out but his door WOULD NOT open. He is all like “what the heck?????” and I just start laughing uncontrollably. Because now all four doors wont open from the inside and we are stuck. It was like our own little family coffin. Greg gets all James Bond on the car and kicks the door open and the side panel falls off. So now we are both laughing non stop.
We look around Best Buy and as we are leaving, a van waves us to walk forward, but then proceeds to try and run us over. So I get ready to go off on this crazy minivan driver, turns out I knew her. And she thought it was hilarious. I introduce her to Greg and she says “so have you ate the lamb yet??”
So then we finally get to the resturant to eat our lamb. We are devouring our lamb gyros-ureos-heros, and we are discussing the deliousness of the french fries. Its like a magic seasoning. We want to know, how we can get it for our own kitchen. This is when we learn that it is the tears of two week year old baby lambs. It is crystalized and then sprinkled on the french fries. I am buying a lamb farm.
We then hit up Walmart for some razors and I got educated on shopping on a budget. He just wanted some razors, it shouldn’t be that complicated.
And finally we come back to my house. Greg pulls in the drive way
Greg: ”Ill wait till you get inside.”
Me: ”Well I kinda need you to open my door.”
Greg: “oh ya!” and he rolls down the passenger door window.
So in my mind I am all like ok he wants me to crawl out the window. So I start to gather up my things and plan in my head how I am going to get out the window..and I look at Greg
Me: ”I cant believe you want me to crawl out the window.”
Greg: ”Do what???”
Me: “your making me crawl out the window!!!”
And he just starts laughing and I am like its not funny, its kinda mean!
Then through broken laughter and tears streaming down his face he finally spits out ”how about you just stick your hand out the window and open the door.”
And that will probably go down in history as the best end of a date EVER!!!!!!!!!!
