Good thing I know people in high places..

October 26, 2008 at 7:44 pm (Blonde Moment, FRIENDS, German Shepherd, Max, family, ga, lsu, picture)

TRUE PHONE CALL:

ME: Hey Les, whats going on?

Les Miles: Nothing much just watching our boys get ready for Saturday!! They are on fire!! BALLS TO THE WALL BABY!!!!! WOOOOOOO

ME: Ya so about Saturday, my friends Kat and Wayne are getting married. I hooked them up. Kat was all like “I really need to find Mr. Right!” and I was like “Well here is a Mr. Wright” and she was all like “Sold!!!” and two years later, they are getting hitched.

Les: Thats real romantic Jenn, your a good person. Watching out for your friends like that. But weddings needed to be banned during football season! But again your a good person with a great big heart!

ME: Why thanks Les, but the thing is they are big GA fans, I mean so big fans that thier wedding is even in Ga colors. Such big fans that they will be walking down the aisle at kick off time!! So is there anyway, just because it is thier day, I really hate to ask you this…but could the Tigers just lose the game…I mean throw in some interceptions to get them all excited! Trade out the QBs so it looks like we still have no idea whats going on with that whole situation. A bunch of dumb stuff, so at the wedding all these Ga fans will go around barking….

Les: Well geez Jenn, thats an awful big favor. But you know what, you hit me at my week spot. You had to tell me they were getting married and I love weddings, so you go ahead and enjoy that day with your friends, I am going to let those puppies beat us by 10, 20, hell over 30 points!!!

ME: Thanks Les, I really appreciate it. I gotta go now, Maxx is eating the neighbors tires off the car…

Les: Man that Maxx makes me laugh!! All right, let me go tell the team the new game plan! Bye

Me: TA-TA

True story. DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT!

So onto the wedding!

 It was gorgeous. It started off with getting my hair done. Then meeting the girls to get the make up done. Then Mel and I went to the church, to get stuff situated. Where we learned that a steamer needs salt mixed in with the H2O for it to work. Dont use sugar. Then everyone else got there and we went outside and took pictures in a grave yard. It was very “Till death do us part”.

The ceremony was perfect. Right when the flood gates were about to open and the tears were going to start falling, something funny would be said by the preacher and you were laughing. It was a very bipolar experience! Katrina looked breathtakingly beautiful. Wayne looked dashingly handsome. Love looks good on those two.

After they were married, we went back outside for more pictures. Where my shoes decided to amputate my big toe. So I had to sit down. On a grave. Her name was Mary Kate Bush. She welcomed my visit. If the pictures come back and I have a ghost like orb around me, It will be Mary Kate Bush. And I will be dead.

The reception was a blast. The bridal party was intorduced and then Mr & Mrs. Wright were introduced and they had thier first dance. The preacher wasnt there. So the flood gates opened and I cried as they danced. It was really sweet to watch them sing the words to each other.

At the garter toss, all the groomsmen came up and sang to Kat”You lost that loving feeling” It was hilarious. And Kat had no idea. Which made it better, cuz its really hard to surprise Kat cuz she is like an inspector gadget and will know something is going to happen before you even plan on doing it for her.

When Wayne went to take the garter off, they played the Mission Impossible theme and Wayne pulled out a plastic sword, a medal and I forget what else but he finally got the garter!

Dinner was breakfast. And who doesnt love breakfast? They had an omelette station set up, where you could have your very own omelette made. And they had waffles and bacon and biscuits oh my!

Kat and Wayne were also nice enough to have an open bar. So yeah. Thanks guys!! Poor Matt, when I finally got dropped off last night, I had drank enough alcohol, to pay myself back for all the money I had put in the wedding. Plus I arrived home with two gay guys. I have declared myself thier own personal little Tori Spelling. Also if you werent out of the closet guys, you are now because I just told the whole internet!!! Loves you!!

I took Maxx outside to pee. Something spooked him so he stopped dead in his tracks. Not realizing that I was drunk walking, which is just as bad as drunk driving. So I couldnt hit my breaks fast enough, so I fell over Maxx and off the deck. In my bridesmaid dress. It was hot. So I woke up this morning, with a swollen ankle and a bruised calf. And scratches everywhere.

So that pretty much sums up the whole night!

And for Kat and Wayne, I love you guys alot. Kat you really did get yourself a Mr. Right and now Wayne you got yourself a Mrs. Right/Wright!! Live everyday like it is your last and every night like it is your first! <—- I also said this on your video but I probably said it backwards cuz I had myself a few drinks. Bring me back a cabana boy from your honeymoon.

 

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Its not a bachlorette party until someone becomes homeless…..

October 13, 2008 at 7:07 pm (Uncategorized)

My friends Wayne and Kat are getting married on October 25. I am a bridesmaid in the wedding. But I am also the one who introduced them to each other and a bottle of vodka.

This past Saturday LSU played Florida. LSU got killed. I firmly believe this is because, I wasnt able to watch the game and help the team concentrate. I wasnt able to watch cuz I was doing the bridesmaid duties of shooting shots, funneling beer and putting dollars down the strippers pants. I am kidding  we didnt have a funnel. But what a way to lead into the story of the bachlorette party!!

Everyone arrived at my house at 6. They were presented with a martini glass with thier initials and beads with a shot glass on them and a hottie whistle. That in order for the whistle to work, you needed to be ready to blow a lung out to get the tiniest lil squeak.

Then we went to chillis in Macon, where I had the yummiest fajita pita thingy, I proposed to it. It was sooo good. We had some dinner and some drinks. During dinner my friend Hayle called. Her and Clint had found a dog on the side of the road, and needed me to save its life, by letting it frolic in my back yard. As much as I love dogs, I have a 100 lbs dog, that I love more. And even if I could take the dog on, it was a female dog. Max has a sex addiction problem. I refuse to be a grandma this early in my life and I refuse to let my son be a statistic, of being a teenage father!!!!

So I gave her a number to my vet and told her that was the best I could do. Then got back to the party. We then traveled to the comedy cafe. That Jennifer totally blurted out on the way there. And ruined the surprise. BECAUSE IT WAS SO TOP SECRET!!!  But thats ok, I put a picture of Jennifer peeing on the side of the road on the Internet. So all is forgiven.

In actuality Jennifer blurted it out as we turned into the comedy cafe parking lot, if Kat hadnt figured it out by then I would of been worried.

When we got there, we put our necklaces on and Kat put on her sash and had her bad girl wand. We walked in, got our seats.  Everyone ordered drinks and Kat and I ordered some shots called blow jobs!

It was delicious. Then the comedians started. Our first was Sid Davis. He was in Rickey Bobby. Which is a classic. Funny thing, the last wedding I was in the bachelor/bachlorette party was at the same time that movie came out. Throughout the night me and one of the other groomsmen just kept quoting that movie over and over. The main line was “THAT JUST HAPPENED.” So I think its destiny that from this point forward, any friends who get married, thier present will be the DVD of “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.”

There were some loud mouth ignorant folks in the crowd. But I am thankful they were there, because I now have the line “Where did you learn to whisper? in a helicopter?”

Best line ever. Jennifer and I sat on the phone yesterday and said that line over and over again and laughed so hard you would of thought that we had just hit the bong.

The next performer was Vinnie Coppola. Right before he comes on, I am all like so I was researching this guy and he is known as the hit man. Also he doesnt cuss in his performances.

What I am glad I DID NOT say was “So I was researching this guy, we should all take a shot when he says a curse word. ” Because we would of all died from alcohol poisoning. I asked him after the show about it saying he didnt curse and he was like ya I should probably fire that guy.

It wasnt like he was vulgar. He was actually hilarious. We all missed certain parts of his show cuz we were laughing to hard at the previous thing he said. 

After the show we stayed after to talk to them and have our picture taken with them:

I also bout Sid Davis’s book called Space Available. It cost ten bucks and he signed it. More importantly it cost ten bucks. Thats two shots. So he probably saved my life cuzI didnt have two shots to many. So thank you. I actually started the book and it has made me laugh out loud at certain times.  

After the show we went to the river. It is located a whole ten feet from the comedy cafe. Which explains why we needed this to get us there.

If we didnt have such a high speed vehicle to take us on that long journey, we never would of made it.

We go into the club, start dancing, doing more shots, and drinking beer. It really was a blast. Then our entertainment from the comedy cafe came over to our table. And it was like we got our own personal show from them. They kept us laughing and were kind enough to buy us some shots. Also there was some guy there, who I think was with them, that kept taking our pictures. So I hope they dont end up on girls gone wild or something….Just kidding!

 

 

After we made our way back to the Truck at the end of the night, everyone was happy and full of magically delicious alcohol. Once in the truck, everyone started coming down. Then we pulled over on 247 so Kat could feed the grass and then Jennifer decided the grass need to quench its thirst!

Monica and Jennifer spent the night here. Monica past out before her head hit the pillow. Jennifer tried to get into bed with Monica. But she hogged the whole bed and Jennifer had to sleep in the corner. I also think she fell off the bed, cuz Monk swears Jennifer slept on the floor. Maxx ate Monicas licence. It was his little way of saying “hey I care about you, I dont want you to drink.”

I woke up about 9 yesterday, but I didnt feel so hot. No one did. There was limited text messaging throughout the day between all the girls. We couldnt handle that much thinking. But in general every text was NEVER AGAIN! NEVER EVER AGAIN.

So on October 25 2008 Katrina and Wayne will be walking down the aisle to commit themselves to each other. October 25 2008 LSU and Ga will be playing against each other. This past weekend they lost cuz I couldnt watch them. I am thier lil Irish lucky charm. I should probably take this time, to inform Kat and Wayne, I will be unable to attend the wedding. I got a game to coach.

 

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